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What to Do When Someone Dies
If you are holding this because someone died, we are sorry. This page is for the person standing beside the family, or for the family themselves, in the first hours and days. It is a map, not a schedule. Almost nothing has to happen as fast as it feels like it does. Print it, check things off, and let the rest wait.
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The first hours
The first task is simply to have the death officially noted, and the path depends on where it happened. If your person was on hospice, call the hospice number, not 911. A hospice nurse will come, make the pronouncement, and walk you through what comes next. If the death was unexpected and happened at home, call 911. If it happened in a hospital or care facility, the staff handle the pronouncement and will ask you which funeral home to call. You do not need that answer instantly. It is all right to say you need a little time.
The funeral home you choose will come and bring your person into their care. This is called the transfer, and it can happen at any hour. You may sit with your person for a while first. There is no rule that says you must hurry this part.
In the first hours
- Call hospice if they were on hospice, 911 if the death was unexpected at home, or let hospital or facility staff handle the pronouncement
- Call the one or two people who should not hear this news secondhand
- Choose a funeral home, or ask for time if you are not ready to choose
- Arrange care for any pets and check on anyone who depended on your person daily
- If the home will now sit empty, lock it, take out anything perishable, and consider asking a neighbor to keep an eye on it
- Look for any written funeral wishes or prepaid arrangement before decisions get made
The first days
The funeral home will ask for the information that goes on the death certificate, so gather what you can. The one decision that shapes everything else is burial or cremation. If your person left written wishes, follow them. If not, the family decides together, and it is worth deciding this before you talk prices, because it determines what you are pricing.
You are allowed to shop. Call two or three funeral homes and ask for their prices over the phone. Federal rules, under what is called the FTC Funeral Rule, require funeral homes to give you price information by phone when you ask. A short call can save a family a great deal, and no kind funeral director will resent the question.
In the first days
- Gather details for the death certificate, such as full legal name, date and place of birth, Social Security number, and parents' names
- Decide burial or cremation, guided by any written wishes
- Call two or three funeral homes and ask for prices by phone
- Notify their employer if they were working, and ask about final pay and benefits
- Ask someone to help field calls and messages so it does not all land on one person
The first weeks
Now the paperwork season begins, and it is genuinely a season, not a sprint. Most institutions will want a certified copy of the death certificate. You can order these through the funeral home, which is usually easiest, or later from the county or state vital records office. Many families order around ten copies, but ask the funeral home what they suggest for your situation.
In most cases the funeral home reports the death to Social Security for you, but it is worth confirming they did, and then calling Social Security yourself about any benefits due to a surviving spouse or dependents. After that, work down the list of banks, insurers, and subscriptions one at a time. Each one is a phone call and perhaps a letter. None of them has to happen today.
In the first weeks
- Order certified death certificates through the funeral home or from vital records
- Confirm the funeral home notified Social Security, then ask about survivor benefits
- Notify banks and credit card companies, one account at a time
- Contact life insurers and ask what they need to start a claim
- Cancel or transfer subscriptions, memberships, and recurring charges as you find them
- Forward the mail if the home is empty, since the mail will show you what else exists
What can wait
This section exists to give you permission. Whatever anyone says, nothing here is urgent. The house can sit. The clothes can stay in the closet for months, or longer, and you can sort them when it does not tear you apart to do it. Most paperwork has generous timelines, and the few items that truly have deadlines will announce themselves in writing.
Thank-you notes are kind, not required, and no one who loved your person is counting the days. If someone is pressing you to decide something big, about the house, the money, or the belongings, it is almost always fine to say that you are not deciding anything this month.
Truly not urgent
- Selling or clearing out the house
- Sorting clothes and belongings
- Most estate and financial paperwork
- Thank-you notes
- Any decision someone else is rushing you toward
Questions, answered plainly
Do we have to use the first funeral home that was called?
No. You may transfer to another funeral home. Call the one you prefer and they will help arrange it. You can also ask any funeral home for prices by phone before you commit, which federal rules require them to provide.
How many death certificates do we need?
It depends on how many accounts and policies your person had. Many families order around ten certified copies, but the funeral home can advise a count for your situation, and you can always order more later from vital records.
How fast do we have to hold the funeral?
Slower than it feels. The funeral home will explain the timing that applies where you are, and refrigeration and other options usually give families room to gather. Ask rather than assume.
Who is legally allowed to make these decisions?
That is set by state law, usually beginning with a spouse and then adult children. The funeral home deals with this daily and can explain the order that applies where you are. This page is general information, not legal advice.